Bob Dylan

This is Bob.

I painted him in ONE day, one manic day, it was either May 30th or 31st 2007 -- just picked up the Newsweek and went to town.

Some people have a portrait of Jesus hanging in their living room, looking down like "be goooood, i'm watching yoooooou." But I have Bob and he does the same.

He used to be in my bedroom but I had to move him. I love Bob Dylan but imagine that face looking at you when you're getting out of the shower.

Now he hangs in my kitchen.

I Love Babies!

I'm officially filling in for Lisa Tyler on the 95 WIILROCK 'Tom & Lisa Morning Show' while she's on maternity leave. Which is sweeeet. Auditioned for it today; I only screwed up once, on the weather. I was supposed to say "Mostly sunny, high of 75"
Instead I said "Mostly high"...
Anywho, late August through September, I'll be on 95.1FM from weekdays 5am-10am or listen online at 95WIILROCK.com. It's half job, half psychological experiment: I'm gonna see if I can develop a fondness for Nickelback by October.

Here's the audio:

David Sedaris-Approved!

Adam and I went down to see David Sedaris at a book signing in Evanston, IL the other day.

On the train, I realized I'd forgotten my cash -- so a few dollars had to last us the entire day and get us home.

More importantly, this meant we couldn't buy copies of his new book for him sign.

Didn't know what else he could autograph; brought a copy of 'Naked' but that was it. Maybe my chest (I got Billy Idol to sign my chest once just to be funny) but I don't think David Sedaris is into that sort of thing.

So since we had a few hours to kill anyhow-- I bought some cheapo art supplies at Blick and painted a portrait of him.


Portrait turned out nice for cheapo paint (scroll all the way down to see it).

Anyway, problem one -- solved.

But now Adam was thinking he felt funny about having David sign a copy of 'Naked' since he was on a promotional tour for his NEW book, 'When You Are Engulfed In Flames'.

So he came up with a brilliant plan:

1. Get new copy of the book off the shelf at Borders
2. Have David Sedaris sign it
3. Return it to the shelf. *

Which was a great idea because...

• David Sedaris won't potentially get offended and scold Adam for being cheap


• Some unsuspecting future customer would get a signed copy of "When You Are Engulfed In Flames".

The plan would have worked except when it was our turn to meet him, Adam and I got retarded giddy and forgot to tell him not to personalize it.

David signed Adam's unbought copy of 'Engulfed' book with:

"To Adam. I'm so happy you date girls. David Sedaris"

Besides worrying that he'd now just made the book unsellable, we could NOT figure out what that inscription meant.

I said maybe he thinks you're so cute that he's glad you aren't gay, because if you were gay he'd want to date you but age and distance and other circumstances would keep you apart.

Anyway, then he signed my painting:

"I approve this
likeness.

David Sedaris."

and I was freakin THRILLED.

One, David Sedaris thinks I paint well....although now that I think about it, his reaction was a somewhat-forced 'Ohh...oh okay...'

Two, he wasn't creeped out that I'd painted him in the first place.

**And actually, we later realized that it actually says appove (a-p-p-o-v-e) not appRove. I don't know if he was just distracted or if he's a bad speller.


Either way, I am now officially a David Sedaris-approved (or appoved) artist; maybe I'll drop out of college.

*And, we couldn't bring ourselves to return the book to the shelf. Adam and I are not shoplifters ordinarily (at least since 7th grade) but decided we couldn't put this personalized, cryptic-'glad you aren't gay'-signed book back on the shelf. Sorry Borders, we'll make it up to you.

I might be painting you right now

I love estate sales.
I love painting.
I'm wouldn't say I LOVE recycling but I'm an advocate.

I also like to be efficient and mix my interests...SO....
I've started painting dead people.

Turns out, a lot of Kenosha people let their family's entire photo history go for a few dollars a box at estate sales. It's pretty tragic.

Anyway, I buy them up and put them to good use.

I started a series of paintings using photos I've accumulated. Each painting is based on photos from one specific family.

(Also, be respectful and burn your parents' frisky 1970s bathtub pictures before you put them in an estate sale. I've seen a lot of people in their bathtubs.)

If you recognize someone, let me know and I'll let you have the original photos.

How the hell do you photograph oil paintings?

I don't know the secret to photographing oil paintings using a flash.
If you know, please email me at KDylewski@Yahoo.com because right now I have 14 photos of Scarlett Johannson with a santa beard.



**And, in the case that you're a dirty bird who stumbled upon this blog by chance after googling"Scarlett" and "Santa" because you have a strange combination of fetishes: you're welcome.

Anyway, after 45 minutes of trials, I discovered the best place to photograph a painting with NO flash is in the bathroom.

Maybe it has something to do with the white shower curtain.
Anyway, here is Scarlett all finished:

LemonAID

LemonAID/Bloomin' Days is exactly how I would like to spend every Saturday for the rest of the summer-- which is -- painting, drinking beer, and listening to little kids play music who are freakishly talented for their ages; felt like some weirdly serene episode of Maury Povich.

<----- I had about 6 hours and decided to paint Obama.

Turns out he isn't black. In fact, he's orangey-green with lots of yellow.

And, I can confidently say that I used a lot of red, white and blue as well. Isn't that poetic?? Ah.

Everyone was incredibly nice. I was only confronted by one woman who didn't like Obama.

That was while I was in the middle of painting the face-highlights so I was in too good a mood to argue.

She schooled me on:

- why the media panders to stupid people (didn't tell her I'm a news reporter)

- why the rich don't really get tax breaks

- why George W. Bush really isn't so bad (YES he is)


She also gave me a full, meaty description of what exactly a partial birth abortion is; it involves a lot of instruments and baby brains. She also talked a lot about slaughter.

Anyway, Obama was auctioned off for $200 (to benefit Lemon Street Gallery) and now has a home with a nice woman from Waukegan. I miss him a little but I know he has a good home.

Also!

I met a lot of really cool artists
and people from the art community:

ExposeKenosha

Lemon Street Gallery

When God Gives You Aids, Make LemonAIDS!

(I finally get to use my favorite Sarah Silverman quote! YESSS)

I'll be one of 40 artists in 2008 Lemon Street Gallery LemonAID Charity Fundraiser. It's this Saturday, June 7th across from the Bloomin' Days Festival in downtown Kenosha. All I know is I'll have 8 hours to paint something and then it will be auctioned off. I expect that by noon I'll be in the greatest mood ever, but by 5pm I'll have paint on my face and be mumbling to myself like a crazy person.

** This event has nothing to do with Aids, proceeds benefit the gallery.

Mural: Bloomin' Days Windows

I volunteered to paint a storefront in downtown Kenosha for Bloomin' Days; got assigned the future Bob Chinn's on 7th Avenue. My friend Andy helped.

We weren't trying to outshine any of the other windows but I got tired of painting flowers and decided to paint Boticelli's Birth of Venus. Andy realized I was upstaging his giant cartoon bee, so from there we just painted a bunch of famous masterpieces (yes, Andy Warhol counts).

Here is what we learned:

1. Painting tiny detail with window paint markers is difficult but doable.

2. Kenoshans want Bob Chinn's to open, BAD. To everyone who shouted from their cars: Yes, we are the owners and yes, the restaurant is already open. We are serving delicious crab out of the basement in secret; all you have to do to gain entry is go around to the back, knock 76 times, wait 10 minutes and then sing "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis in perfect pitch.

3. I probably shouldn't have given my phone number to the weirdly intense older man on the motorscooter who stopped to ask if I would design a painting for the side of his van. Hopefully this won't lead to my abduction.

Bloomin' Days is June 6th and 7th... for more info visit: http://bloomindays.exposekenosha.com/

I Take Pictures With Bands

I do the news on an AM radio station and sometimes the FM rock station next door has bands come in. Sometimes I haven't heard of them, most times I've at LEAST heard their name and can recognize their popular song. Most of the band members don't say much and they wear their sunglasses indoors.

Still, I take pictures with all of them for the same reason that people eat peanuts: there's no GREAT reason to do it but they're right here in front of you so you might as well.

So far, none of my friends have been very impressed by any of my pictures with somewhat-famous bands. Hopefully someday I will meet someone who thinks Tantric and Theory of a Deadman and Alterbridge are gods and they will think I'm really cool for having met them.

That's all. As you can see, this post is not art related but I just needed to put these photos to some good use. I hope you're impressed. More to come.

UNFINISHED ART:: Watercolors

These are two watercolors that have been in the works for a LONG time now:

:::LITTLE ISAAC
I don't know if that's his real name but he seems like an "Issac". He is a real boy who lives in Kenosha and attends a KUSD school. I took his photo when I worked as a school portrait photographer last year. He just stood there listening to the photographer (chin up, chin down JUST a little bit....) and seemed so chill. He had the demeanor of a wise old man.
He was so goddamn adorable; I took out my own camera and snapped a picture.

This next one is Patti...(Patty? Pattie? It doesn't matter):
She's one of the famous muses, Patti Boyd, the lady who was married to George Harrison and then married his best friend Eric Clapton. She inspired "Layla" and "Something"...which are two of the greatest rock songs.

:::PATTI
I started reading her autobiography ('Wonderful Tonight') back in December and I got all revved up to paint the cover because:

1) Her story is so interesting, not that I aspire to marry a famous musician (I don't) BUT if I were to, I would've wanted to marry a Beatle (not Paul) OR Eric Clapton (because he was really foxy back in the day, minus the heroin addiction)

.....AND....

2) because the cover photo was so great. It was taken in the 60s when she worked as a model in England. I think this was taken outside her and George's estate.

Anyway -- I slowly became disinterested in her book after the exciting stuff happened (when she left George for Eric); that's about the same time I stopped painting this.

I've grown attached to the way they look now so I really don't know when/if I'll finish them.

PAINTING:: Scarlett (almost finished)

It isn't done yet, but I got impatient.
I painted this from a photo of Scarlett Johansson on the cover of New York Magazine.

I'm not a superfan, but I think she's pretty.

I picked this photo because she looks like a classic pin-up.
Don't mind the dried spaghetti sauce on the stove.

SKETCHES: Pin-ups

I finally borrowed a scanner, so here's some pin-up girls from my sketchbook.
I did these after I bought The Great American Pin-Up which is the greatest book ever for anyone interested in the history of pin-up art. It also has tons of huge, full-page color photos of most of the paintings.

I did most of these from looking at paintings in the book:

SHOWS: Dorian Grey 2008, Kenosha

April 12, 2008:
Dorian Grey Art Show at the Rhode in Kenosha

Me with a half-finished Scarlett (bottom) and my bald Britney painting.
Free wine. I got a little saucey.


My cousin Kyle and his girlfriend (left) and giants were welcome too!

Talking to Dr. Destruction!

I was pretty saucey by this point so you may see me on his show at some point this month doing a whole lot of giggling.

He asked me to give a word of advice to aspiring painters and radio personalities and I said "Just do it...like Nike....I love you all!"

MURAL:: The Florentine Room -- in Progress

Here's the mural nearly finished:

Me and the Dans painting...

I painted the horses and the scruffy dog.....

Mural:: Congress Plaza, Chicago - Florentine Room

Here are some photos from the day we went to hang the mural.

When we were there, a janitor popped in to tell us that 100 ghosts live in this room.

His explanation was that Al Capone used to live here and that the ghosts are people who he had killed. He said that some of his co-workers won't even step foot in the room.

We are pretty sure that the janitor who told us this was himself a ghost so we didn't know whether to believe him or not...BUT -- I looked it up -- and Al Capone did live here a while.

I took some pictures and got some creepy ghost orbs too:



(I don't know why these pictures are so fuzzy)

MURAL:: Florentine Ballroom

February 2008 - Chicago, IL ---> The Congress Plaza Hotel


Its located on Michigan Avenue (right near Grant Park and the Art Institute).

I worked on the Florentine Ballroom mural installation.

Pictures are a-comin.

CARICATURES::

Angelina, Brad Pitt, and Shiloh

This is my first real caricature, I spent a good hour on this one. I figured they'd be easy to start with because they are technically the most attractive people on earth.

Little Jimmy
A close-up of little Jimmy from The
Grand Geneva Resort.

Hannah Montana

I did this one as a sample, to hang up on my display at the Grand Geneva because I figured little girls would love it. BUT they didn't. I'd say a good 7 or 8 girls did this when they walked by on their way to the indoor Waterpark:

Dad: Look at that one Skylar-- it's your favorite, Hannah Montana.

Daughter: Ugh, that doesn't even look like her.

What can I say, 8-year old girls can be mean. I got my retribution though; when their parents weren't looking I gave them the finger and mouthed "You're Fat."

**Note: If you are interested in hiring me for your child's birthday party, please disregard that last sentence. All children are precious.

CARICATURES:: The Grand Geneva Resort

The first week of January 2008.

Caricatures at Grand Geneva's Timber Ridge Lodge in Lake Geneva, WI.