If Politicians Were 'Breaking Bad' Characters...

Dick Cheney as "Hector Salamanca"

I did these quickie illustrations for a FunnyOrDie.com article but they opted to use actual photos instead 

Bill Clinton as "Heisenberg"

Here are some of the illustrations that would otherwise live for eternity in my hard drive.

So, enjoy!

Maybe I'll upload the rest later.

Commission: Alexander Duthart

I was commissioned to paint this earlier this year...

It's a portrait of Alexander Duthart (1925–1986); he was a Scottish drummer who revolutionized Scottish pipe band snare playing. Thanks Wikipedia!

Unfortunately, Mr. Duthart didn't take a lot of photographs in his lifetime. The ones he did take were extremely 1970s-style blurry. On top of that, he also wore about 18 yards of plaid as part of his Scottish drummer outfit.

Painting plaid from a blurry reference photo is pure hell on the eyeballs. It instantly makes you feel like you've been in a Wal-Mart for 5 hours (or 15 minutes, same difference) and/or like you've been awake for 4 days watching Requiem for a Dream on a loop. 

I won't ever paint plaid again, ever.  EVER.

Anyway, this painting was framed at Artworks and now resides with a former student of Mr. Duthart.

First Solo Show @ Pollard Gallery (Sept - Nov 2012)

I have my first solo show coming up in about 3 weeks!

I'll have four or five new paintings; none are quite finished yet. A few ("Slaughterman", "Study of a Girl" and one yet to be determined) will be in nice refinished wood frames. These frames were sold to me by a very nice woman for WAY way too cheap at a yard sale in New Berlin because I told her I had my first solo show coming up; amazingly she just asked how much I had in my pocket and sold them to me for that.

Anywho, I am trying to refinish those frames today but I feel high from heat-gun fumes and am trying to track down a sander...so I'm taking a computer break.

Here's the info and the flyer:

Opening Reception: 

Saturday, September 8th 2012

Show runs September 8th - November 2012

Pollard Gallery - 5800 7th Avenue Kenosha, WI

Phish Painting

Don't let this painting fool you—I do not like the band Phish.  

That said, they do have cool concert posters. Also, I am dating a Phish fan.

I wanted to buy him this particular Phish tour poster for his birthday last year but apparently their tour posters are like $100+ on eBay.  

So, I made a huge cradled board out of maple wood and painted the image instead. The original design is not my own (I wish it was) -- it's by DKNG Studios.

In Phish fan language, this is the poster from 6/4/11 Cuyahoga Falls, OH bruh.

DVD Menu Designs - Katy Perry "Part of Me"

A couple mock-up DVD menus I created recently for a design firm in Waukesha.

Portrait of Anderson Cooper (in Coffee)

After many years of sitting on the floor and propping canvases against the back of my kitchen chair, I finally broke down and bought a nice easel from Utrecht. Painting is much MUCH easier now so I plan to do more of it. 

Hopefully uploading more in the next month. Here's one I did for fun...

*UPDATE: He came out of the closet one week after I posted this, therefore I take full responsibility. Congrats Anderson :)

** MEGA UPDATE!  This painting was featured on ANDERSON LIVE on ABC on 1/3/2013! Ahhh!

Move over "Toddler waving from trolley"...

Check it out! My sister just showed me this. Apparently my painting "Slaughterman" snuck into one of the photos on the Downtown Kenosha Business Directory pamphlet :)

Girl Scouts 100th Anniversary T-Shirt

I was recently commissioned to design a t-shirt for the Girl Scouts.

It celebrates the organization's 100th anniversary (1912-2012; there's a big nationwide celebration in May) and shows the girls through the decades in black and white. The modern-day scouts are shown in color.

The shirts are available for sale now on the main page of the Girl Scouts Wisconsin site to troops nationwide.

Pumped!!

Watercolor Portrait: Caroline

Just found this packed in with my older paintings. It's watercolor on board. I can't remember what her name is (I took the liberty to rename her) but I just really liked the ship tattoo.

Favorite Job of 2011

This was my hands-down favorite freelance job of the year.

Task:  10-15 sketches of various types of people fighting with crutches.

They were used in a storyboard for a commercial and yes, I took the opportunity to put a cartoon version of myself in a crutch-battle with a man in a tank top. 

I also cartoonified Anita, a young artist I tutor; she's fighting a pirate.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Christmas Work

A caricature of Snap-On CEO Nick Pinchuk, and a 40's style illustration for a family Christmas card...

If you know who this is a cartoon of, you are probably unemployed.

 

Televised murder trials and nice weather make unemployment very tolerable. 

Bye Bye Oprah

Pumpkin-Carving!

(I'm going to pretend I haven't slacked on this blog for the last 6 months and rewind us back to last fall so I can show you some pictures.) 

Happy October 2010! 

Can you believe it's October already? 

Can you believe the stores are already playing Christmas music?! (Etcetra, etcetra) 

Ok, now that that's established... here's my first attempt at pumpkin carving:

My subject, Snap-on® CEO Nicholas Pinchuk, is shown here holding my carving (his head) on a platter.

How To Fix A Broken Dell Laptop Screen

Haven't updated this thing in a while. I didn't die but the backlight on my 2005 Inspiron did.

One terrible, horrible day the screen went completely black. The guy at Computer Adventure said it wasn't worth the money to fix it. I told him I don't have money to fix it anyway so HAAA.

$25 later, my laptop is now a working desktop.

Does your laptop have a giant heated coaster that keeps your coffee warm? I don't thiiiink sooooo...

NEW! The Coffee Series

Last month, I started a new series of paintings that successfully mixes two of my loves... (no, not sailors and mashed potatoes)...

Portrait-painting and coffee.

Painting with coffee is excellent because :

1) when dry, the canvas smells delicious

2) Folgers is MUCH cheaper than oil paint

I brought my first three portraits (including 'Nesbit', right) to the MESH Haiti benefit and enjoyed letting everyone smell them.

ExposeKenosha's Lester Pitz reviewed them in his column 'Lester Says'!

Check it out here.

My Sister on America's Next Top Model Tonight!

My little sister Liz is an excellent photographer who recently moved back to Wisconsin from New York. 

While she was living there, she was lucky enough to work on the set of an America's Next Top Model photoshoot. The episode is airing on the CW Network tonight, 3/31. It has a vampire theme. 

Watch for a little redhead running around in a trash bag—that's my sister! She was tasked with cleaning up the fake blood. Woo!

This Weekend: Haiti Benefit and Dorian Grey

Busy weekend coming up! I'll have a bunch of new paintings for sale at two shows-- come out if you can:

MESH Kenosha Haiti Benefit
Saturday, March 6, 2010 -- 6-11pm
Rhode Center For The Arts
Live music, art, raffles
More info: www.myspace.com/MESHkenosha
**Proceeds benefit the victims of the earthquake in Haiti

and

Dorian Grey Art Show
Sunday, March 7, 2010 -- Noon-4 (?)
Rhode Center For The Arts

Time Lapse Mural

Here's a little video from 2006, showing me and one of my old roommates painting a mural of one of my favorite pin-up paintings by Enoch Bolles.

And the cat isn't bleeding-- she just tried eating some of the red paint:

Gift Commissions

Lots of gift commissions this winter! Keep them coming : )

Here are the two most recent ones:
- Family Portrait (in Prismacolor pencil)
- Caricature (for corporate going-away party)

Creepy Family Photo!

Very busy with art lately (I keep meaning to upload it) but I felt an urgent need to share this: Found this tonight in a box of family photos and immediately scanned and submitted it to one of my favorite sites: AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. (1/23/10 UPDATE! AFP picked it for their Saturday Night Special! Success!)

As I'm told, my mom met this family while camping in Naples back in the early 80s. Take a close look at the camper in the yellow shirt... or, more specifically, green shorts.

I would make a joke about pitching tents but I'm too worried about the little girl in the hat (who is probably 35 now and still emotionally scarred.)

Anyway, that's all. You're welcome.

Merry Christmas Y'all

Haven't touched a paintbrush in months, so it all came out on xmas sugar cookie decorating night. <---- a="" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEMdG5-3GAH7qyB64kHelk9AfrZlViONZFjkXhEQwaok7AG8Qpf-UOMNXss4ZrGHXCkUDTR7YaLQkuMF_yfQ8KC9kUIL91qQqITqmUiBn8HvjZmZU27mOqqVEVSID2-EVgQ7lJ-IX3N68/s1600-h/DSC_0324.JPG">

I frosted three cookies in all... see if you can guess which ones are mine. Hehe.

It's too late to say 'Merry Christmas', so Happy 2010!

Lady Gaga

Could NOT get 'Poker Face' out of my head yesterday so I broke out the Prismacolors and drew this at work. 

It was my only defense against blurting out "muh-muh-muh maaa" on the air. 

BY the way, this weekend: 10/31 - 'Monster' show reception @ ArtWorks 11/1 - '2009 Winter Juried' opening @ Anderson Arts Center

Mother Goosed

Southport Press is publishing a book of artist interpretations of Mother Goose rhymes. It comes out in mid-November and only 1,000 copies will be printed. AND... Florence Parry-Heide is writing the forward.

So, Mr. Chet Griffith of Artworks and black moustache fame asked me to paint a little sumpin' sumpin' so I picked a rhyme and did a quick oil illustration.

It goes like this:

GIRL WITH A CURL
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.

Mother Goose didn't know any girls who had knots from not brushing, so this was the rhyme that most fit me.

Bloody Butcher and Boobie Tassels

These things are apparently what come out of me after I paint an adorable children's book cover and an adorable baby portrait right in a row.

It's kinda like needing to listen to one or two Notorious B.I.G. songs after a marathon of Jack Johnson.

ANYWAYS,"Slaughterman" and "The Bird" were both finished in a frenzy last week. They're now for sale at Artworks for the "Monster" show (Sept. 27- Oct. 31) but you can see them here .

Florence Parry Heide Day

Florence Parry Heide is a Kenosha author who has written about 97 million children's books.

On Sept. 26th, the mayor declared it 'Florence Parry Heide Day' -- and a week prior, a bunch of local artists painted her book covers on the windows at Heim's Toy Store.

I painted her newest one, Princess Hyacinth: The Surprising Tale of A Girl Who Floated with illustration by Lane Smith.

And...this picture didn't make it into the newspaper, but Sean Krajacic took this badass picture of my hand ---->

"Paxten"

Just finished this oil portrait commission.

This little guy's name is Paxten and his aunt is giving him this painting for his 1st birthday.

(We added his favorite stuffed monkey and matched the background to his nursery.)

Happy 1st Paxten! Better keep this hanging in your room until you're 45!

Mad Men, Oprah... Holy Crap

I don't know how this happened but I'm going to the Oprah show on Thursday. And the Mad Men cast will be there. 

AND—on TOP of that—the show has a '60s theme and the entire audience has to dress for the era, meaning I get to dress up in one of my vintage dresses. 

 Needless to say, this is the best thing ever and I am one lucky bastard. Couldn't contain my excitement this week, so I painted up a picture of my Mad Men dreamboat, Donald Draper. 

<--------- span="">

<--------- span=""> **Update!** The episode will air Monday, Sept. 21. I'm the super excited girl in 2nd row/center.

Caricatures: 50th Wedding Anniversary

This week I got a last-minute caricature job: a 50th wedding anniversary gift.

Because I live in Wisconsin, it's probably my fourth Packers-themed caricature this year. Who knows how many Packer caricatures I've done in my lifetime... maybe 2.8 billion-ish. I lost count.

Anyway, I still know nothing about football but I can whip out a cartoon Lambeau Field like nobody's business.


Happy Anniversary Pat and Jan!

First Portrait Commission...and Mad Men!

I've been working on my first portrait commission of a little boy. The painting is gift so I won't load any pictures of it until his birthday has passed. (Although I doubt any toddlers look at my blog, considering they can't read or comprehend much. He might be one of those genius babies who can read those Baby Einstein flash cards though, so I'll play it safe.)

 ALSO: Season 3 of Mad Men starts Sunday! I don't watch much TV but I'm a nerd for this show. To illustrate how nerdy, I Mad-Men'd myself at MadMenYourself.com. That's me in the purple. It's the closest I'll ever get to my man Donald Draper*.

* I spoke too soon...check this out.