Bob Dylan

This is Bob.

I painted him in ONE day, one manic day, it was either May 30th or 31st 2007 -- just picked up the Newsweek and went to town.

Some people have a portrait of Jesus hanging in their living room, looking down like "be goooood, i'm watching yoooooou." But I have Bob and he does the same.

He used to be in my bedroom but I had to move him. I love Bob Dylan but imagine that face looking at you when you're getting out of the shower.

Now he hangs in my kitchen.

I Love Babies!

I'm officially filling in for Lisa Tyler on the 95 WIILROCK 'Tom & Lisa Morning Show' while she's on maternity leave. Which is sweeeet. Auditioned for it today; I only screwed up once, on the weather. I was supposed to say "Mostly sunny, high of 75"
Instead I said "Mostly high"...
Anywho, late August through September, I'll be on 95.1FM from weekdays 5am-10am or listen online at 95WIILROCK.com. It's half job, half psychological experiment: I'm gonna see if I can develop a fondness for Nickelback by October.

Here's the audio:

David Sedaris-Approved!

Adam and I went down to see David Sedaris at a book signing in Evanston, IL the other day.

On the train, I realized I'd forgotten my cash -- so a few dollars had to last us the entire day and get us home.

More importantly, this meant we couldn't buy copies of his new book for him sign.

Didn't know what else he could autograph; brought a copy of 'Naked' but that was it. Maybe my chest (I got Billy Idol to sign my chest once just to be funny) but I don't think David Sedaris is into that sort of thing.

So since we had a few hours to kill anyhow-- I bought some cheapo art supplies at Blick and painted a portrait of him.


Portrait turned out nice for cheapo paint (scroll all the way down to see it).

Anyway, problem one -- solved.

But now Adam was thinking he felt funny about having David sign a copy of 'Naked' since he was on a promotional tour for his NEW book, 'When You Are Engulfed In Flames'.

So he came up with a brilliant plan:

1. Get new copy of the book off the shelf at Borders
2. Have David Sedaris sign it
3. Return it to the shelf. *

Which was a great idea because...

• David Sedaris won't potentially get offended and scold Adam for being cheap


• Some unsuspecting future customer would get a signed copy of "When You Are Engulfed In Flames".

The plan would have worked except when it was our turn to meet him, Adam and I got retarded giddy and forgot to tell him not to personalize it.

David signed Adam's unbought copy of 'Engulfed' book with:

"To Adam. I'm so happy you date girls. David Sedaris"

Besides worrying that he'd now just made the book unsellable, we could NOT figure out what that inscription meant.

I said maybe he thinks you're so cute that he's glad you aren't gay, because if you were gay he'd want to date you but age and distance and other circumstances would keep you apart.

Anyway, then he signed my painting:

"I approve this
likeness.

David Sedaris."

and I was freakin THRILLED.

One, David Sedaris thinks I paint well....although now that I think about it, his reaction was a somewhat-forced 'Ohh...oh okay...'

Two, he wasn't creeped out that I'd painted him in the first place.

**And actually, we later realized that it actually says appove (a-p-p-o-v-e) not appRove. I don't know if he was just distracted or if he's a bad speller.


Either way, I am now officially a David Sedaris-approved (or appoved) artist; maybe I'll drop out of college.

*And, we couldn't bring ourselves to return the book to the shelf. Adam and I are not shoplifters ordinarily (at least since 7th grade) but decided we couldn't put this personalized, cryptic-'glad you aren't gay'-signed book back on the shelf. Sorry Borders, we'll make it up to you.

I might be painting you right now

I love estate sales.
I love painting.
I'm wouldn't say I LOVE recycling but I'm an advocate.

I also like to be efficient and mix my interests...SO....
I've started painting dead people.

Turns out, a lot of Kenosha people let their family's entire photo history go for a few dollars a box at estate sales. It's pretty tragic.

Anyway, I buy them up and put them to good use.

I started a series of paintings using photos I've accumulated. Each painting is based on photos from one specific family.

(Also, be respectful and burn your parents' frisky 1970s bathtub pictures before you put them in an estate sale. I've seen a lot of people in their bathtubs.)

If you recognize someone, let me know and I'll let you have the original photos.

How the hell do you photograph oil paintings?

I don't know the secret to photographing oil paintings using a flash.
If you know, please email me at KDylewski@Yahoo.com because right now I have 14 photos of Scarlett Johannson with a santa beard.



**And, in the case that you're a dirty bird who stumbled upon this blog by chance after googling"Scarlett" and "Santa" because you have a strange combination of fetishes: you're welcome.

Anyway, after 45 minutes of trials, I discovered the best place to photograph a painting with NO flash is in the bathroom.

Maybe it has something to do with the white shower curtain.
Anyway, here is Scarlett all finished:

LemonAID

LemonAID/Bloomin' Days is exactly how I would like to spend every Saturday for the rest of the summer-- which is -- painting, drinking beer, and listening to little kids play music who are freakishly talented for their ages; felt like some weirdly serene episode of Maury Povich.

<----- I had about 6 hours and decided to paint Obama.

Turns out he isn't black. In fact, he's orangey-green with lots of yellow.

And, I can confidently say that I used a lot of red, white and blue as well. Isn't that poetic?? Ah.

Everyone was incredibly nice. I was only confronted by one woman who didn't like Obama.

That was while I was in the middle of painting the face-highlights so I was in too good a mood to argue.

She schooled me on:

- why the media panders to stupid people (didn't tell her I'm a news reporter)

- why the rich don't really get tax breaks

- why George W. Bush really isn't so bad (YES he is)


She also gave me a full, meaty description of what exactly a partial birth abortion is; it involves a lot of instruments and baby brains. She also talked a lot about slaughter.

Anyway, Obama was auctioned off for $200 (to benefit Lemon Street Gallery) and now has a home with a nice woman from Waukegan. I miss him a little but I know he has a good home.

Also!

I met a lot of really cool artists
and people from the art community:

ExposeKenosha

Lemon Street Gallery

When God Gives You Aids, Make LemonAIDS!

(I finally get to use my favorite Sarah Silverman quote! YESSS)

I'll be one of 40 artists in 2008 Lemon Street Gallery LemonAID Charity Fundraiser. It's this Saturday, June 7th across from the Bloomin' Days Festival in downtown Kenosha. All I know is I'll have 8 hours to paint something and then it will be auctioned off. I expect that by noon I'll be in the greatest mood ever, but by 5pm I'll have paint on my face and be mumbling to myself like a crazy person.

** This event has nothing to do with Aids, proceeds benefit the gallery.