September 29, 2008

I Had A Dream...

This has nothing to do with anything, but -- something is really bugging me today.

I CANNOT figure out last night's dream.
Here's what happened:

So, Martin Luther King Jr. and I were hanging out on some kind of a cruise-ship/church. He was wearing a pale pink collared shirt and was pretty quiet. He was really smiley. We were just running around, causing mischief. Actually, I think I was trying to flirt with him too, (which... I'm glad the dream didn't escalate down that road...)

Anyway, all of a sudden -- he stops, looks me straight in the face, and puts a cigarette out on my collarbone.

Then I woke up.

What could that possibly mean?? Am I gonna die now?

September 23, 2008

Obama Mural - Part Deux

Ok, portrait's done.

Now I've got a ton of white space to fill. I have no idea what to put.

The best suggestion I've gotten so far:
"How about a giant bald eagle and some monster trucks?"

I'm not very good with backgrounds, I usually don't plan that far ahead.
And truth is, I'm a little drunk with power since I'm technically allowed to paint whatever I want.

Hopefully I'll come up with something other than this and get this thing hung before the election is over:

September 13, 2008


Oh penis-shaped iceberg floating in the ocean,
how many jokes we could have made about you on the morning show.

Sailors...the Titanic... gay polar bears...proof that global warming is literally fucking us -- the possibilities were endless.

But no.

All you gave me was my first-ever on-air "bleep" and a new nickname at work.

I'll forever cherish my new bragging right as the only person in the world who can honestly say they've been bleeped by a giant penis-shaped iceberg.

Thanks again for existing,

The uncensored version of last Friday's newscast on the 95.1 WIILROCK morning show:

September 1, 2008

Obama Mural - Part 1

I was asked to paint a mural above the Barack Obama campaign office in Kenosha.

I'm not allowed to paint directly on the building, so I have to construct a giant canvas -- which is the size of a small house at 9 feet x 10 feet.

There is nothing on Google about how to make a gigantic canvas, so I'm winging it.

As you can see, my trip to buy lumber was a success. The 6-feet of lumber sticking out of my truck didn't kill anyone on the way home.


Because I have a truck full of crap -- including an old bra -- and old bras make good bungee securing mechanisms. If my truck wasn't full of clothes I've been meaning to bring to drop at Goodwill for the last year, some motorist might've been impaled with a 2x4.

More developments on the way...