Drawing On Golfers' Backs

A guy recently hired me to draw a caricature of his friend, Bill, which was then embroidered onto a dinner jacket.

Why?

Well...every year they go to Florida for an annual golf tournament among friends. Whoever wins brings home a 70s-style dinner jacket. Before the next tournament, the jacket-holder must add a piece of "flair" to the jacket.

This year's flair ---> Bill's face.

Note: I prefer jobs like this to drawing whiney, rude kids* at birthday parties who breath on my neck while I draw and repeatedly tell their moms 'this picture doesn't look like meeee'.

*Again, to those interested in hiring me for a children's party: All children are precious and adorable.

Conte Sketches and 30 bones!

HEY! It's been a while. How are yooou?? I've been gooood.

Discovered Conte crayons. Here are a few sketches from last week...

1. Adam, on the Metra to Chicago

2. Old coughing guy, on the Metra coming BACKfrom Chicago

3. My good friend Scott (who sits nice and still)

4. Eckhart Tolle on Oprah

ALSO! I won 1st Place in the Kenosha Art Association competition with "Study of A Girl". And they DID have a cash prize-- $30!

(To put that cash prize in perspective, $30 is worth roughly 2 days of work at the radio station, or 42.86% of my weekly income (thanks to recent budget cuts)....so, THANK YOU for the groceries and gas K.A.A.!!)

Calls For Artists...

If you're broke (like me)... bookmark the links below. They're websites for local and national art competitions and exhibitions with cash prizes:

--> ArtCalendar.com
--> ArtShow.com

Here's a new listing:

Juried One Person Shows and Workshops

Invites artists to submit work for 2009/10 academic year exhibition

Viterbo University, La Crosse, WI

$1,000 honorarium awarded

DEADLINE: Mon, April 27, 2009
For more info, click here or email Venancio at valuz@viterbo.edu.

ALSO... here's a local one listed this week's ExposeKenosha. No cash prizes, but it's free to enter:

Kenosha Art Assocation Spring Art Event
Register by: Saturday, March 28th
Event date: Saturday, April 4th from 1-4pm

Kenosha Public Museum
Any artists 18 years and over invited to compete in a one-day art competition.

For more info, visit ExposeKenosha.com

For your viewing pleasure...

Clearing out some old files and found these pictures...
I took them at the 2008 Kenosha County Fair, none of them were for sale. (Why don't they sell prints??)

Enjoy!!

Purple tacos millionaire!

Dunn Brothers

Aside from having THEE best-smelling bathrooms in town, Dunn Brothers Coffee Shop on Greenbay Road is now the temporary home of three of my paintings!

Also -- OPEN CALLS for upcoming shows for local artists :
- March 8 - Dorian Grey Art Show at the Rhode Opera House, Kenosha
- March 21 (I think?) - "Go Figure" Juried Exhibition at Art Works, Kenosha

In honor of Obama's inauguration today...

Where is he now? My Apartment
Originally uploaded by kdylewski

People have been asking-- 'what did you ever do with the Obama mural?'

Well -- he's in my apartment.

It's odd because when he was hanging outdoors, his facial expression seemed triumphant....but in my apartment, it kinda just seems like he's trying to hold his breath so he doesn't smell the smoke and kitty litter.

Anyway, he's taking up 75% of the wallspace (and some ceiling). I'm sure my neighbors look in my windows and think I'm an obsessed maniac.

** January 24th he'll be on display at the UAW Local 72 Martin Luther King Celebration.

Santaland Diaries

My David Sedaris painting is leaving his home at the Nook Cafe and visiting the Sixth Street Theater in Racine this week.

The Over Our Heads Players are presenting "Santaland Diaries" by David Sedaris and asked to borrow him. David is very pumped for his first trip away from Kenosha and his Friday night is now officially going to be more exciting than mine.

If you go: Sixth Street Theater -- Box office is 632-6802. Tickets are $15.

"Dear Zachary"

I caught a documentary called "Dear Zachary" the other night on MSNBC. It's about the death of the filmmaker's childhood friend, a guy named Andrew Bagby.

Easily the best documentary I've ever seen.

MSNBC is re-airing it on Dec. 14th at 3:00pm CST. Really try to catch it if you can -- very worth it.

Post-Election Update

Election is over. I'm back to normal now, back doing school work and artwork instead of being a maniac glued to Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow for 4 hours every night. I'll be updating this blog more often now.

VERY last election tid-bit-- here was my view of Grant Park when Obama was elected:

Anyway, back to art.

Here's what I've been working on for a while. It's from a Loretta Lux photo.

The consensus so far is that she's creepy and her dress is uncomfortably short and that she looks like a boy. I like her though.

I'm working on a few other things too; I'll take pictures of those soon.

ALSO:

1) Scarlett won 2nd place in the Pollard Gallery Annual Advent Show! Woo!

2) This is what my hand looks like regularly now since I adopted the kitten from hell.

FRONT PAGE NEWS!

Holy moley.

The Obama mural and I made the front page of the Kenosha News today!

Front page baby!

I don't know what else to do except buy every copy in sight. I have 8 copies sitting in my truck.



Kenosha News' online edititon has a place for reader comments, here's my favorite so far:

"When Someone Says "It wasn't about the politics" You Know Darn Skippy It Was. Come On. Your Not Kidding Anyone.

Darn skippy is right. What a day.

** AND... for the record... this is actually my SECOND time on the front page of a newspaper. Feast your eyes on this 1995 edition of the Potomac News in Woodbridge, Virginia. That's me in the glasses, braces and side ponytail (I was much cooler then) :

Presidential Dance-off

I can't stop watching this.

I Heart Stressed-Out Traders

Not to make light of a bad situation -- but I really love logging onto YAHOO!'s homepage and seeing the latest stressed-out trader picture up in the left-hand corner.

Maybe I'm not as frantic about the stock market as I should be -- I'm used to being broke -- but for some reason, seeing them so frazzled makes me feel really relaxed...

I think they should make stressed-trader trading cards!

I would buy and collect them if it would help the economy:

Obama Mural: Mission Accomplished!!!

It's up!!!

It's at 58th and 6th Avenue.




HUGE thanks to everyone who helped hang it, including Gino who almost got electrocuted, Dean with his art-hanging expertise and drill, the Heims who bought the canvas and loaned us the scaffolding, the couple who lives in the building who just saw us out there and asked if we needed help and ended up spending 3 hours trying to figure it out with us, my Mom, the Dans, Kyle, the Obama campaign volunteers and everyone who promised to kick anyone's ass who vandalizes it. Thanks!!

*Also a big thanks to Joe Barr for taking photos of it for me.

I Challenge Anyone To Spend 2 Hours at Caleo

It's a coffee shop off 22nd Avenue on the northside of Kenosha.

I understand their decorating theme is 'street fair in Rome' (you kinda feel like you're in Italy even though you're in a strip mall next to a Burger King in Wisconsin) and that's fine...

BUT... decorating aside, this is first and foremost a coffee shop.

Why do they play MIND-CRUSHINGLY LOUD Italian polka music?
It is SO LOUD.


Enduring two hours of this music has made me oddly angry.

As in, I'm not a person who ordinarily says 'motherfucker' -- but I'm trying to write a paper for class and every thought stream I have is injected with "fuck" or "fucking" or "motherfucker".

And now, instead of focusing on my homework, all I can think about is this weird animal urge I'm getting to smash bottles or start a street fight with someone.

Point is: Italian polka -- not conducive to homework or sanity. Being at Caleo is about as calming as chewing on aluminum foil.

I don't know how the employees here stand it. If one of them cracked and went on a murderous rampage I really don't think I'd blame them.

That's all.

I Had A Dream...

This has nothing to do with anything, but -- something is really bugging me today.

I CANNOT figure out last night's dream.

Here's what happened:

So, Martin Luther King Jr. and I were hanging out on some kind of a cruise-ship/church. He was wearing a pale pink collared shirt and was pretty quiet. He was really smiley. We were just running around, causing mischief. Actually, I think I was trying to flirt with him too, (which... I'm glad the dream didn't escalate down that road...)

Anyway, all of a sudden -- he stops, looks me straight in the face, and puts a cigarette out on my collarbone.

Then I woke up.


What could that possibly mean?? Am I gonna die now?

Obama Mural - Part Deux

Ok, portrait's done.

Now I've got a ton of white space to fill. I have no idea what to put.

The best suggestion I've gotten so far:

"How about a giant bald eagle and some monster trucks?"

I'm not very good with backgrounds, I usually don't plan that far ahead.

And truth is, I'm a little drunk with power since I'm technically allowed to paint whatever I want.

Hopefully I'll come up with something other than this and get this thing hung before the election is over:

Cockberg

Oh penis-shaped iceberg floating in the ocean,
how many jokes we could have made about you on the morning show.

Sailors...the Titanic... gay polar bears...proof that global warming is literally fucking us -- the possibilities were endless.

But no.

All you gave me was my first-ever on-air "bleep" and a new nickname at work.

I'll forever cherish my new bragging right as the only person in the world who can honestly say they've been bleeped by a giant penis-shaped iceberg.

Thanks again for existing,
Katie

The uncensored version of last Friday's newscast on the 95.1 WIILROCK morning show:

Obama Mural - Part 1

I was asked to paint a mural above the Barack Obama campaign office in Kenosha.

I'm not allowed to paint directly on the building, so I have to construct a giant canvas -- which is the size of a small house at 9 feet x 10 feet.

There is nothing on Google about how to make a gigantic canvas, so I'm winging it.

As you can see, my trip to buy lumber was a success. The 6-feet of lumber sticking out of my truck didn't kill anyone on the way home.

Why?

Because I have a truck full of crap -- including an old bra -- and old bras make good bungee securing mechanisms. If my truck wasn't full of clothes I've been meaning to bring to drop at Goodwill for the last year, some motorist might've been impaled with a 2x4.

More developments on the way...

Upcoming Art Shows

Shows to consider getting in on if you're a local artist looking for places to show your work:

SEPTEMBER:
"Monsters" Show - Artworks, Kenosha -- $10 fee, up to 3 pieces. Monster theme. Art due by September 9th. Closing reception/costume party on October 31st.

John Wayne Art Show- The Nook, Kenosha -- Free to enter (I think). John Wayne-inspired art. Prospectus coming near the end of the month.

NOVEMBER:
2nd Annual Advent Art Show - Pollard Gallery, Kenosha -- $10 entry fee. Juried Exhibition (1st place gets a 2-month show.) Opening Reception: November 8th, 5 - 8pm

More info about Kenosha-area art events at ExposeKenosha.com

AM 1050 Audio Clips

A few clips from AM1050 WLIP K-Town Report with me and Lars. We're on weekdays 5-6pm.

7.11.08 - K-Town Report: Newscasters getting around saying "nuts" in the aftermath of Jesse Jackson's comment about Obama:



8.29.08 - K-Town Report: Heath Ledger's Ghost


8.26.08 - The Lenny Palmer Morning show: A caller thought I mispronounced "taken" on the morning news. It was driving me crazy so I double-checked the audio. (After his call is the part of my newscast he's referring to):

The Sarah Palin Dilemma

Upside to McCain/Palin winning the election:

By law, Tina Fey would have to rejoin the cast of Saturday Night Live.

Downside to McCain/Palin winning the election:

I won't be able to watch Saturday Night Live anymore because they don't air that show on French tv and that's exactly where I'll be moving if McCain wins.

Fun With Adobe ImageReady

Here's a sped-up progression of my Scarlett painting that'll give you a strobe-light headache:

And.....here's my creepy bald Britney winking.

Notes From The Belly Of The Beast

Come to find out, it was NOT Peter Francis Geraci speaking in Racine today -- but rather, Republican Senator John McCain. He talked for approximately one very long hour.

Things I thought about while he spoke:

• I think I'll say to hell with it all and get bangs the next time I get a haircut


• Lately I've been making smores (over my stove) for breakfast... and, it would make sense for me to try smores-flavored cereal, yet I won't because it still seems gross.


• I wonder if elderly people know that concealer would probably cover liver spots


• Let's say some douchebag paints their car to exactly camouflage with the background of a street corner. If you crashed into him, wouldn't it still technically be your fault? If so, that doesn't seem fair.

Here is what it might look like:

The most exciting pictures I took at the McCain rally:

• This guy's haircut----->
  
  
• (Post-rally) Old shirtless man walking down Main St. with a rainbow umbrella -->

Also:
Just as Cindy McCain (who is prettier in person) began to introduce her husband, I caught video of two members of the press on their laptops whisper-giggling over an email one got featuring funny photos of really fat cats:

Anyway, now I have officially seen all of the presidential candidates in the flesh.

Hillary and McCain get points for making eye contact with me, but Obama had the best campaign music. Come November, those factors will determine who gets my vote.

**Also -- I'll be doing caricatures tomorrow at 'Relay For Life', 7-9pm at Bullen in Kenosha.

My Newest MySpace Friend Is....

The naked baby featured on the cover of Nirvana "Nevermind"!

He's an actual person; he's 18 now (so it's finally legal to look at the album cover), his name is Spencer and he lives in Los Angeles. He does graffiti drawings for fun.

This is what he looks like ---->

A giant sticker of the 'Nevermind' cover was on my social studies notebook in 7th grade and I can't tell you how many hours I spent zoning out on his naked baby body...which wasn't even dirty because my teacher made me Sharpie over his junk.

(to which he replied: "hahahah thats sick. were you from")

Spelling doesn't matter when you're the the naked Nirvana baby.

Point is, naked Nirvana baby is my Myspace friend. Everything's coming together for me.

Email Art: The K-Town Team In Pencil!

Feast your eyes on this!
'K-Town Report's FIRST artist rendering!
Dr. Wolfgang Von Screwball, a local artist and AM1050 WLIP 'K-Town Report' listener, sent me these caricatures today!
That's me with the paintbrush, and Lars with the mic (likely because Lars never stops talking.)
Thanks Dr. Screwball!

Tom's Caricature

I drew Tom Kief this morning while I filled in on the 'Tom & Lisa' morning show on 95.1 WIILROCK.

He said he doesn't think it looks like him but I think I saw the sparkle of a tear in his eye; I could tell he was moved by the incredible likeness.


ANyway, stunt-monkey Haro says it looks like the Hulk taking a crap...which... like I said -- an incredible likeness.

The Award For The Sexiest Person At Summerfest Goes To...

This guy --->

Don't know his name but I assume it's Richard "Laser" Cocainington.

This bronzed stallion woke up that morning, pushed the gaggle of women in neon green bikinis off his waterbed, and said "Fuckin' A man, I'm going to Summerfest today. Where's my forest-green Taz shirt..."


I feel like I spotted a unicorn.

Morning Revelation #1

If Al Gore ever puts out a smooth jazz album, he should call it "Algorithms".

(If I were him I would spell it "Algorhythms", but I feel like he would use the correct spelling.)
Anyway it would look something like this...

And that was just my first thought of the morning! This day is off to an awesome start.

Skydive Midwest

If you want to jump out of a plane

OR...

If you want to know what you'll look like at age 97, with the skin on your face melting away from your skull

OR...

If $179 is worth spending to have the body of a foxy Australian guy strapped to your back for ten minutes...(it is)...

Then go to Skydive Midwest; it's in Sturtevant, WI.

Make sure to get the video package because the sheer blinding terror will cause you to momentarily pass out and you'll forget what it was like.

*Also, unlike me, remember to pull the parachute cord at 6,000 feet.

To see their website, just click on the link next to the photo of the Australian man passionately gripping my thigh.

Starbucks' New Logo

Starbucks' business is slumping with the economy the way it is.
They're getting ready to close 600 stores because people aren't buying $4 coffee anymore.

Anyway, they've come out with a new logo:

<--- Old logo

<--- New logo

...and here's a detailed view:






...is it just me or did the Starbucks mermaid really slut it up?

Since when are mermaids able to sit in spread-eagle??

Maybe they're trying to attract new business with the 18-35 male demographic. I suppose nothing says "Come on in guys! Try our new Pike Place Blend!" like a topless mermaid in full "hellooo!" position.

Anyway, for god's sake keep buying food at Wendy's so they don't have to go down the same road--

(And yes, I felt very dirty drawing that graphic. I was just waiting for Chris Hansen to show up at my door.)