Obama Mural: Mission Accomplished!!!

It's up!!!

It's at 58th and 6th Avenue.




HUGE thanks to everyone who helped hang it, including Gino who almost got electrocuted, Dean with his art-hanging expertise and drill, the Heims who bought the canvas and loaned us the scaffolding, the couple who lives in the building who just saw us out there and asked if we needed help and ended up spending 3 hours trying to figure it out with us, my Mom, the Dans, Kyle, the Obama campaign volunteers and everyone who promised to kick anyone's ass who vandalizes it. Thanks!!

*Also a big thanks to Joe Barr for taking photos of it for me.

I Challenge Anyone To Spend 2 Hours at Caleo

It's a coffee shop off 22nd Avenue on the northside of Kenosha.

I understand their decorating theme is 'street fair in Rome' (you kinda feel like you're in Italy even though you're in a strip mall next to a Burger King in Wisconsin) and that's fine...

BUT... decorating aside, this is first and foremost a coffee shop.

Why do they play MIND-CRUSHINGLY LOUD Italian polka music?
It is SO LOUD.


Enduring two hours of this music has made me oddly angry.

As in, I'm not a person who ordinarily says 'motherfucker' -- but I'm trying to write a paper for class and every thought stream I have is injected with "fuck" or "fucking" or "motherfucker".

And now, instead of focusing on my homework, all I can think about is this weird animal urge I'm getting to smash bottles or start a street fight with someone.

Point is: Italian polka -- not conducive to homework or sanity. Being at Caleo is about as calming as chewing on aluminum foil.

I don't know how the employees here stand it. If one of them cracked and went on a murderous rampage I really don't think I'd blame them.

That's all.

I Had A Dream...

This has nothing to do with anything, but -- something is really bugging me today.

I CANNOT figure out last night's dream.

Here's what happened:

So, Martin Luther King Jr. and I were hanging out on some kind of a cruise-ship/church. He was wearing a pale pink collared shirt and was pretty quiet. He was really smiley. We were just running around, causing mischief. Actually, I think I was trying to flirt with him too, (which... I'm glad the dream didn't escalate down that road...)

Anyway, all of a sudden -- he stops, looks me straight in the face, and puts a cigarette out on my collarbone.

Then I woke up.


What could that possibly mean?? Am I gonna die now?

Obama Mural - Part Deux

Ok, portrait's done.

Now I've got a ton of white space to fill. I have no idea what to put.

The best suggestion I've gotten so far:

"How about a giant bald eagle and some monster trucks?"

I'm not very good with backgrounds, I usually don't plan that far ahead.

And truth is, I'm a little drunk with power since I'm technically allowed to paint whatever I want.

Hopefully I'll come up with something other than this and get this thing hung before the election is over:

Cockberg

Oh penis-shaped iceberg floating in the ocean,
how many jokes we could have made about you on the morning show.

Sailors...the Titanic... gay polar bears...proof that global warming is literally fucking us -- the possibilities were endless.

But no.

All you gave me was my first-ever on-air "bleep" and a new nickname at work.

I'll forever cherish my new bragging right as the only person in the world who can honestly say they've been bleeped by a giant penis-shaped iceberg.

Thanks again for existing,
Katie

The uncensored version of last Friday's newscast on the 95.1 WIILROCK morning show:

Obama Mural - Part 1

I was asked to paint a mural above the Barack Obama campaign office in Kenosha.

I'm not allowed to paint directly on the building, so I have to construct a giant canvas -- which is the size of a small house at 9 feet x 10 feet.

There is nothing on Google about how to make a gigantic canvas, so I'm winging it.

As you can see, my trip to buy lumber was a success. The 6-feet of lumber sticking out of my truck didn't kill anyone on the way home.

Why?

Because I have a truck full of crap -- including an old bra -- and old bras make good bungee securing mechanisms. If my truck wasn't full of clothes I've been meaning to bring to drop at Goodwill for the last year, some motorist might've been impaled with a 2x4.

More developments on the way...

Upcoming Art Shows

Shows to consider getting in on if you're a local artist looking for places to show your work:

SEPTEMBER:
"Monsters" Show - Artworks, Kenosha -- $10 fee, up to 3 pieces. Monster theme. Art due by September 9th. Closing reception/costume party on October 31st.

John Wayne Art Show- The Nook, Kenosha -- Free to enter (I think). John Wayne-inspired art. Prospectus coming near the end of the month.

NOVEMBER:
2nd Annual Advent Art Show - Pollard Gallery, Kenosha -- $10 entry fee. Juried Exhibition (1st place gets a 2-month show.) Opening Reception: November 8th, 5 - 8pm

More info about Kenosha-area art events at ExposeKenosha.com

AM 1050 Audio Clips

A few clips from AM1050 WLIP K-Town Report with me and Lars. We're on weekdays 5-6pm.

7.11.08 - K-Town Report: Newscasters getting around saying "nuts" in the aftermath of Jesse Jackson's comment about Obama:



8.29.08 - K-Town Report: Heath Ledger's Ghost


8.26.08 - The Lenny Palmer Morning show: A caller thought I mispronounced "taken" on the morning news. It was driving me crazy so I double-checked the audio. (After his call is the part of my newscast he's referring to):

The Sarah Palin Dilemma

Upside to McCain/Palin winning the election:

By law, Tina Fey would have to rejoin the cast of Saturday Night Live.

Downside to McCain/Palin winning the election:

I won't be able to watch Saturday Night Live anymore because they don't air that show on French tv and that's exactly where I'll be moving if McCain wins.

Fun With Adobe ImageReady

Here's a sped-up progression of my Scarlett painting that'll give you a strobe-light headache:

And.....here's my creepy bald Britney winking.

Notes From The Belly Of The Beast

Come to find out, it was NOT Peter Francis Geraci speaking in Racine today -- but rather, Republican Senator John McCain. He talked for approximately one very long hour.

Things I thought about while he spoke:

• I think I'll say to hell with it all and get bangs the next time I get a haircut


• Lately I've been making smores (over my stove) for breakfast... and, it would make sense for me to try smores-flavored cereal, yet I won't because it still seems gross.


• I wonder if elderly people know that concealer would probably cover liver spots


• Let's say some douchebag paints their car to exactly camouflage with the background of a street corner. If you crashed into him, wouldn't it still technically be your fault? If so, that doesn't seem fair.

Here is what it might look like:

The most exciting pictures I took at the McCain rally:

• This guy's haircut----->
  
  
• (Post-rally) Old shirtless man walking down Main St. with a rainbow umbrella -->

Also:
Just as Cindy McCain (who is prettier in person) began to introduce her husband, I caught video of two members of the press on their laptops whisper-giggling over an email one got featuring funny photos of really fat cats:

Anyway, now I have officially seen all of the presidential candidates in the flesh.

Hillary and McCain get points for making eye contact with me, but Obama had the best campaign music. Come November, those factors will determine who gets my vote.

**Also -- I'll be doing caricatures tomorrow at 'Relay For Life', 7-9pm at Bullen in Kenosha.

My Newest MySpace Friend Is....

The naked baby featured on the cover of Nirvana "Nevermind"!

He's an actual person; he's 18 now (so it's finally legal to look at the album cover), his name is Spencer and he lives in Los Angeles. He does graffiti drawings for fun.

This is what he looks like ---->

A giant sticker of the 'Nevermind' cover was on my social studies notebook in 7th grade and I can't tell you how many hours I spent zoning out on his naked baby body...which wasn't even dirty because my teacher made me Sharpie over his junk.

(to which he replied: "hahahah thats sick. were you from")

Spelling doesn't matter when you're the the naked Nirvana baby.

Point is, naked Nirvana baby is my Myspace friend. Everything's coming together for me.

Email Art: The K-Town Team In Pencil!

Feast your eyes on this!
'K-Town Report's FIRST artist rendering!
Dr. Wolfgang Von Screwball, a local artist and AM1050 WLIP 'K-Town Report' listener, sent me these caricatures today!
That's me with the paintbrush, and Lars with the mic (likely because Lars never stops talking.)
Thanks Dr. Screwball!

Tom's Caricature

I drew Tom Kief this morning while I filled in on the 'Tom & Lisa' morning show on 95.1 WIILROCK.

He said he doesn't think it looks like him but I think I saw the sparkle of a tear in his eye; I could tell he was moved by the incredible likeness.


ANyway, stunt-monkey Haro says it looks like the Hulk taking a crap...which... like I said -- an incredible likeness.

The Award For The Sexiest Person At Summerfest Goes To...

This guy --->

Don't know his name but I assume it's Richard "Laser" Cocainington.

This bronzed stallion woke up that morning, pushed the gaggle of women in neon green bikinis off his waterbed, and said "Fuckin' A man, I'm going to Summerfest today. Where's my forest-green Taz shirt..."


I feel like I spotted a unicorn.

Morning Revelation #1

If Al Gore ever puts out a smooth jazz album, he should call it "Algorithms".

(If I were him I would spell it "Algorhythms", but I feel like he would use the correct spelling.)
Anyway it would look something like this...

And that was just my first thought of the morning! This day is off to an awesome start.

Skydive Midwest

If you want to jump out of a plane

OR...

If you want to know what you'll look like at age 97, with the skin on your face melting away from your skull

OR...

If $179 is worth spending to have the body of a foxy Australian guy strapped to your back for ten minutes...(it is)...

Then go to Skydive Midwest; it's in Sturtevant, WI.

Make sure to get the video package because the sheer blinding terror will cause you to momentarily pass out and you'll forget what it was like.

*Also, unlike me, remember to pull the parachute cord at 6,000 feet.

To see their website, just click on the link next to the photo of the Australian man passionately gripping my thigh.

Starbucks' New Logo

Starbucks' business is slumping with the economy the way it is.
They're getting ready to close 600 stores because people aren't buying $4 coffee anymore.

Anyway, they've come out with a new logo:

<--- Old logo

<--- New logo

...and here's a detailed view:






...is it just me or did the Starbucks mermaid really slut it up?

Since when are mermaids able to sit in spread-eagle??

Maybe they're trying to attract new business with the 18-35 male demographic. I suppose nothing says "Come on in guys! Try our new Pike Place Blend!" like a topless mermaid in full "hellooo!" position.

Anyway, for god's sake keep buying food at Wendy's so they don't have to go down the same road--

(And yes, I felt very dirty drawing that graphic. I was just waiting for Chris Hansen to show up at my door.)

Bob Dylan

This is Bob.

I painted him in ONE day, one manic day, it was either May 30th or 31st 2007 -- just picked up the Newsweek and went to town.

Some people have a portrait of Jesus hanging in their living room, looking down like "be goooood, i'm watching yoooooou." But I have Bob and he does the same.

He used to be in my bedroom but I had to move him. I love Bob Dylan but imagine that face looking at you when you're getting out of the shower.

Now he hangs in my kitchen.

I Love Babies!

I'm officially filling in for Lisa Tyler on the 95 WIILROCK 'Tom & Lisa Morning Show' while she's on maternity leave. Which is sweeeet. Auditioned for it today; I only screwed up once, on the weather. I was supposed to say "Mostly sunny, high of 75"
Instead I said "Mostly high"...
Anywho, late August through September, I'll be on 95.1FM from weekdays 5am-10am or listen online at 95WIILROCK.com. It's half job, half psychological experiment: I'm gonna see if I can develop a fondness for Nickelback by October.

Here's the audio:

David Sedaris-Approved!

Adam and I went down to see David Sedaris at a book signing in Evanston, IL the other day.

On the train, I realized I'd forgotten my cash -- so a few dollars had to last us the entire day and get us home.

More importantly, this meant we couldn't buy copies of his new book for him sign.

Didn't know what else he could autograph; brought a copy of 'Naked' but that was it. Maybe my chest (I got Billy Idol to sign my chest once just to be funny) but I don't think David Sedaris is into that sort of thing.

So since we had a few hours to kill anyhow-- I bought some cheapo art supplies at Blick and painted a portrait of him.


Portrait turned out nice for cheapo paint (scroll all the way down to see it).

Anyway, problem one -- solved.

But now Adam was thinking he felt funny about having David sign a copy of 'Naked' since he was on a promotional tour for his NEW book, 'When You Are Engulfed In Flames'.

So he came up with a brilliant plan:

1. Get new copy of the book off the shelf at Borders
2. Have David Sedaris sign it
3. Return it to the shelf. *

Which was a great idea because...

• David Sedaris won't potentially get offended and scold Adam for being cheap


• Some unsuspecting future customer would get a signed copy of "When You Are Engulfed In Flames".

The plan would have worked except when it was our turn to meet him, Adam and I got retarded giddy and forgot to tell him not to personalize it.

David signed Adam's unbought copy of 'Engulfed' book with:

"To Adam. I'm so happy you date girls. David Sedaris"

Besides worrying that he'd now just made the book unsellable, we could NOT figure out what that inscription meant.

I said maybe he thinks you're so cute that he's glad you aren't gay, because if you were gay he'd want to date you but age and distance and other circumstances would keep you apart.

Anyway, then he signed my painting:

"I approve this
likeness.

David Sedaris."

and I was freakin THRILLED.

One, David Sedaris thinks I paint well....although now that I think about it, his reaction was a somewhat-forced 'Ohh...oh okay...'

Two, he wasn't creeped out that I'd painted him in the first place.

**And actually, we later realized that it actually says appove (a-p-p-o-v-e) not appRove. I don't know if he was just distracted or if he's a bad speller.


Either way, I am now officially a David Sedaris-approved (or appoved) artist; maybe I'll drop out of college.

*And, we couldn't bring ourselves to return the book to the shelf. Adam and I are not shoplifters ordinarily (at least since 7th grade) but decided we couldn't put this personalized, cryptic-'glad you aren't gay'-signed book back on the shelf. Sorry Borders, we'll make it up to you.

I might be painting you right now

I love estate sales.
I love painting.
I'm wouldn't say I LOVE recycling but I'm an advocate.

I also like to be efficient and mix my interests...SO....
I've started painting dead people.

Turns out, a lot of Kenosha people let their family's entire photo history go for a few dollars a box at estate sales. It's pretty tragic.

Anyway, I buy them up and put them to good use.

I started a series of paintings using photos I've accumulated. Each painting is based on photos from one specific family.

(Also, be respectful and burn your parents' frisky 1970s bathtub pictures before you put them in an estate sale. I've seen a lot of people in their bathtubs.)

If you recognize someone, let me know and I'll let you have the original photos.

How the hell do you photograph oil paintings?

I don't know the secret to photographing oil paintings using a flash.
If you know, please email me at KDylewski@Yahoo.com because right now I have 14 photos of Scarlett Johannson with a santa beard.



**And, in the case that you're a dirty bird who stumbled upon this blog by chance after googling"Scarlett" and "Santa" because you have a strange combination of fetishes: you're welcome.

Anyway, after 45 minutes of trials, I discovered the best place to photograph a painting with NO flash is in the bathroom.

Maybe it has something to do with the white shower curtain.
Anyway, here is Scarlett all finished:

LemonAID

LemonAID/Bloomin' Days is exactly how I would like to spend every Saturday for the rest of the summer-- which is -- painting, drinking beer, and listening to little kids play music who are freakishly talented for their ages; felt like some weirdly serene episode of Maury Povich.

<----- I had about 6 hours and decided to paint Obama.

Turns out he isn't black. In fact, he's orangey-green with lots of yellow.

And, I can confidently say that I used a lot of red, white and blue as well. Isn't that poetic?? Ah.

Everyone was incredibly nice. I was only confronted by one woman who didn't like Obama.

That was while I was in the middle of painting the face-highlights so I was in too good a mood to argue.

She schooled me on:

- why the media panders to stupid people (didn't tell her I'm a news reporter)

- why the rich don't really get tax breaks

- why George W. Bush really isn't so bad (YES he is)


She also gave me a full, meaty description of what exactly a partial birth abortion is; it involves a lot of instruments and baby brains. She also talked a lot about slaughter.

Anyway, Obama was auctioned off for $200 (to benefit Lemon Street Gallery) and now has a home with a nice woman from Waukegan. I miss him a little but I know he has a good home.

Also!

I met a lot of really cool artists
and people from the art community:

ExposeKenosha

Lemon Street Gallery

When God Gives You Aids, Make LemonAIDS!

(I finally get to use my favorite Sarah Silverman quote! YESSS)

I'll be one of 40 artists in 2008 Lemon Street Gallery LemonAID Charity Fundraiser. It's this Saturday, June 7th across from the Bloomin' Days Festival in downtown Kenosha. All I know is I'll have 8 hours to paint something and then it will be auctioned off. I expect that by noon I'll be in the greatest mood ever, but by 5pm I'll have paint on my face and be mumbling to myself like a crazy person.

** This event has nothing to do with Aids, proceeds benefit the gallery.

Mural: Bloomin' Days Windows

I volunteered to paint a storefront in downtown Kenosha for Bloomin' Days; got assigned the future Bob Chinn's on 7th Avenue. My friend Andy helped.

We weren't trying to outshine any of the other windows but I got tired of painting flowers and decided to paint Boticelli's Birth of Venus. Andy realized I was upstaging his giant cartoon bee, so from there we just painted a bunch of famous masterpieces (yes, Andy Warhol counts).

Here is what we learned:

1. Painting tiny detail with window paint markers is difficult but doable.

2. Kenoshans want Bob Chinn's to open, BAD. To everyone who shouted from their cars: Yes, we are the owners and yes, the restaurant is already open. We are serving delicious crab out of the basement in secret; all you have to do to gain entry is go around to the back, knock 76 times, wait 10 minutes and then sing "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis in perfect pitch.

3. I probably shouldn't have given my phone number to the weirdly intense older man on the motorscooter who stopped to ask if I would design a painting for the side of his van. Hopefully this won't lead to my abduction.

Bloomin' Days is June 6th and 7th... for more info visit: http://bloomindays.exposekenosha.com/

I Take Pictures With Bands

I do the news on an AM radio station and sometimes the FM rock station next door has bands come in. Sometimes I haven't heard of them, most times I've at LEAST heard their name and can recognize their popular song. Most of the band members don't say much and they wear their sunglasses indoors.

Still, I take pictures with all of them for the same reason that people eat peanuts: there's no GREAT reason to do it but they're right here in front of you so you might as well.

So far, none of my friends have been very impressed by any of my pictures with somewhat-famous bands. Hopefully someday I will meet someone who thinks Tantric and Theory of a Deadman and Alterbridge are gods and they will think I'm really cool for having met them.

That's all. As you can see, this post is not art related but I just needed to put these photos to some good use. I hope you're impressed. More to come.

UNFINISHED ART:: Watercolors

These are two watercolors that have been in the works for a LONG time now:

:::LITTLE ISAAC
I don't know if that's his real name but he seems like an "Issac". He is a real boy who lives in Kenosha and attends a KUSD school. I took his photo when I worked as a school portrait photographer last year. He just stood there listening to the photographer (chin up, chin down JUST a little bit....) and seemed so chill. He had the demeanor of a wise old man.
He was so goddamn adorable; I took out my own camera and snapped a picture.

This next one is Patti...(Patty? Pattie? It doesn't matter):
She's one of the famous muses, Patti Boyd, the lady who was married to George Harrison and then married his best friend Eric Clapton. She inspired "Layla" and "Something"...which are two of the greatest rock songs.

:::PATTI
I started reading her autobiography ('Wonderful Tonight') back in December and I got all revved up to paint the cover because:

1) Her story is so interesting, not that I aspire to marry a famous musician (I don't) BUT if I were to, I would've wanted to marry a Beatle (not Paul) OR Eric Clapton (because he was really foxy back in the day, minus the heroin addiction)

.....AND....

2) because the cover photo was so great. It was taken in the 60s when she worked as a model in England. I think this was taken outside her and George's estate.

Anyway -- I slowly became disinterested in her book after the exciting stuff happened (when she left George for Eric); that's about the same time I stopped painting this.

I've grown attached to the way they look now so I really don't know when/if I'll finish them.